I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize