Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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