How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
