I could make wine with my vomit
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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