when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
