I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
