nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
