it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
