Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
