They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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