Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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