My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
