Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
