Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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