I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
