I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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