I'm so fucking centered right now
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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