I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
