i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
