escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
