I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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