I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
