We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
