Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize