I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
