Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
