Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize