Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We're too hungover to prance.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
