I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
