i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
