Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
