You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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