I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
we should paint friendship bongs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
