When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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