based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
