Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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