i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He better not be in your backpack
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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