Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
