I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just pee around me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
