Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
