My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
