Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
