My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
