do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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