and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
