Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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