Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
