Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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