a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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