i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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