Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
