hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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