I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
