I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
