So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
