i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
