Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
