According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
