I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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