I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
zippers are such a cool invention
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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