Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize