Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
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Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
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Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way