at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.