What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.