Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.