how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm always down for nudity.
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