i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
