um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
