I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
