woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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